My parents gave us these PaperWhite's in memory of Ellis Anne this year. She would have been 2 on the 19th of November.
We just planted the bulbs last week, and they are shooting up. I like watching them grow. I like tending to them.
I didn't write about Ellis on the 19th. I just, couldn't. It's not that the 19th was bad. It wasn't. The 19th was a good day. We went out to the cemetery. We put new flowers on her headstone. We prayed. We went out to lunch. It was a good time of remembrance.
It's the days leading up to the 19th that are so difficult.
I'm sure the grief experts have a name for it, but the weeks preceding November 19th, are, for me, heavy. My heart is heavy. I feel extremely........fragile. Couple that with moving this year, and you have a recipe for some serious meltdowns. Praise God that I have an amazing family, and I am so thankful for my sister-in-laws Lesley & Chandra who were sweet enough to sit and talk, and hug, and just sit with me as I melted a few many times.
I thought the years would bring more distance than they do. I thought that after 2 years it would seem like "so long ago" that we lost her. But, it doesn't.
I am, however, so thankful to have been remembering Ellis with Jane in my arms. Not that Jane could ever take the place of Ellis, but I do feel God's goodness to us through Jane.
"Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love."