Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Ellis Anne Files

It has been a hard, hard month. I cannot find the words to write my feelings, so I will just tell the facts:

On November 19th, Ryan & I lost our baby girl, Ellis Anne, who was due on December 31. I was 8 months along and I realized that I hadn't felt her move in a little while, so I called & went into my doctor. As he looked at the sonogram, he saw that she had turned from being breech, to head down, and in her moving she had twisted the umbilical cord. She had no heartbeat. She had the cord wrapped around her neck and her wrist which were pulling against each other, and the cord had been kinked like a garden hose cutting her off from everything she was getting from me. He said it's a random, unpreventable, uncontrollable event - like being hit by lightning.

We went into the hospital that afternoon, and I had surgery at 6:00. Ryan & I were able to spend about 2 and a half hours with Ellis after I delivered her, holding her, touching her, memorizing her - she was beautiful. Perfect in every way, with head full of hair & a nose to match Secily's. Having them take her from us, knowing that I would never in this lifetime see her again was, and still is, heartbreaking.

We had her funeral a week later - my parents had come in, and Ryan's parents were able to be there as well. We are so thankful for our families - our parents took 'shifts' and stayed with us for 4 weeks - until I was cleared to lift Larson & Secily.
Larson & Secily have been oblivious to the whole situation, and I have been thankful for that. They are a great distraction for me, and I find myself doubly thankful that we have them.

Ryan & I have been so overwhelmed by the support of our church, family & friends. The flowers, meals, phone calls, cards, emails, letters, work & support we have received have meant so much...more than we could ever say.

Poem for Ellis - November 2007

(written by Jan Thomas, my aunt)

I’m just a little daughter

Who didn’t quite make it there

I went straight to be with Jesus

But I’m waiting for you here.

Don’t you fret about me Mommy

I’m of all God’s lambs most blessed.

I’d have loved to stay there with you

But the shepherd knows what’s best.

Many dwelling here where I live

Waited years to enter in,

Struggled through a world of sorrow

And their lives were marred with sin.

So sweet Mommy, deep in sorrow,

Let this truth help in your gloom,

I went straight to be with Jesus

From my loving mother’s womb.

Daddy gave me something for you,

It’s our secret Mommy dear.

Pressed it tight against my forehead

Whispered in my tiny ear.

I’ll be waiting for you Mommy

You and Daddy, Larson, Sis.

I’ll be with you then forever

Then I’ll give you Daddy’s kiss.


Lisa said...

Oh, Karin, I am so, so sorry. Natalie called me that day and told me what had happened, and my heart broke for you guys. I intended to write a note, but kept trying to think of the "perfect" thing to say...then it seemed like too much time had passed. I hate it that I let the fear of saying the "wrong thing" paralyze me from offering even an ounce more comfort.
Please know that I am continually keeping you and Ryan in my prayers.

Weed said...

Oh, Karin, I am so very sorry. I wish I didn't have to write to you this way, but I don't have your email address or regular address (Allecia gave me your blog address many months ago and now and then I read it). I'll be praying for your peace and comfort.

Many blessings, Wendy (from Ohio, in case you don't realize who I am!)

Becky and Myron Chamberlain said...

Thank you for writing Karin. It cant be an easy thing to do. We will continue to pray for your family over the holidays.